Thursday, September 21, 2006
last paper for prelims is over!
i have like lots of mixed feelings..afraid, nervous yet hopeful for results.and abit dunno what to do now.so sick of home.i feel like smashing everything i see at home now.like so whatever la.my prelims just over. go out awhile can die meh?!as if i stay at home i will go and study like that.and i am a hundred percent sure to be dragged out so as 'not to disturb my sister'.yeah yeah so thats better.im like wasting all my time being a porter.you want me to be active.yet you dont allow me to.you want me to keep in touch with my friends.yet you dont let me.you want me to study.yet you dont let me.you think im a genious, yet you think im stupid.you said i should have been active last year already.did you let me?and is there a difference if i eat at home?only get forced to eat fish i dont like.and what are we supposed to do during dinner?talk, yet not talk?smile, yet not smile?and you want me to study with the lights off yet on.you want me to change, yet not change.you tell me all the bullshit, yet you do the opposite.so sick of keeping quiet all the time.i want to talk, shoutback!why cant i voice my opinions?!you keep telling me to speak what i think.but do you ever let me?all i do is just say a word not to your liking, im dead.you think you're the only one being bullied.you think everything.you can say it out.aiyah im damn pissed i dunno how to say everything out.i really want to smash everything!there is really no space to breathe at all.i dont want to take o's.i want to go back to kindergarten.i want to play lego.i want to watch powerpuff girls.i want to sing the barney song.i want to eat jellies and buy sweets.i want to sleep in a cot.i want to tickle my uncle's feet with a feather.i want to play hopscotch.i want to colour in colouring books.i want to be carried.i want to be unattached to this horrible mess.i want to spit all over the place.i want to go out with my uncle and aunties like before.i want.i want.i want.):
its just a dream.
i want to go into a
deep
sleep
.
dont
ever
wake
me
up
.
ZZZ
zzz
zz
z
.
.
nothing that is so, is so.
8:19 PM;
